Soft Structure
HI FAMILY
I’m thinking about how this week the time fell back, the full moon reliably paid us a visit, and I returned to filling my bath nightly. November always has a way of feeling good, even though it’s dark and my tan is officially gone. Something about its tempo just works.
Today I’m touching on a subject I’ve been chewing on lately (jk more like the last decade). Something that arose from being in the weeds with the really Big Thing I’m working on (IYKYK or you’re about to.)
I call it Soft Structure. The state of living where agility meets intention. The place (most of us) are trying to get to.
In my time health coaching, I’ve noticed people tend to fall into one of two modes:
01 — Too fluid
So unanchored and unorganized that self-doubt becomes the norm. This often looks like quitting before starting, treating meal time as an afterthought, and living under the steady hum of “I’m not doing enough.” These types often chase silver bullets, and when quick results don’t come, they give up. They often arrive to me defeated and unsure if sustainable change is possible for them.
02 — Too structured
So tight and restricted that it results in all-or-nothing behavior, nervous system dysfunction, and missed opportunity. This person rarely feels a sense of arrival and fears that if they drop one ball, they’ll lose them all. They use scheduling and planning to control outcomes from a place of mistrust. They usually come to me burnt out and confused why they’re struggling even though they’re “doing everything right.”
The thing is, both of these mindsets have a point. Being structured yields foresight, better options, more follow through, and solid outcomes. Living fluidly means you’re able to stay more connected to the present, follow your intuition, find delight in acting on a whim, and create space for play.
The question I’m begging with TRS is: can we harness the best of both and live somewhere between fluid and structured?
This is the foundation of The Method, the Big Thing I’ve been working on. It’s the next iteration of TRS and the culmination of years of 1:1 client work. More on that soon.
For now I will leave you with a couple invitations on how you might embody soft structure in this transitional month:
NOVEMBER INVITATIONS
01— Drink broth
Morning, midday, or before bed—whenever it fits. I love beef broth with fresh ginger, salt, and olive oil, but chicken or vegetable is cool too. This is an easy way to get in more nutrients and electrolytes as it gets colder. Total superfood.
The structure: Adding it to the grocery list and weekly rotation.
The softness: Deciding when in the day it fits best and not pressuring yourself to make it daily, just often.
02— Make one moment of your day slow
This could be a challenge to slow down during something you usually rush through unnecessarily (such as eating, showering, walking) or to intentionally make space for a portion of your day to flow organically and without urgency. We all talk about needing to slow down but rarely grasp the implementation. If you sense your pace is misaligned with your current mental or physical needs, ask yourself what you could do recalibrate in that very moment or before the day ends. Harness transitionary times such as before or after work, be real with yourself, and remember that sometimes it’s as simple giving yourself enough time.
The structure: Intentionally deciding to slow it tf down once a day.
The softness: Let that look different depending on what the day holds.
The state of being in control can coexist with tenderness and curiosity.
PERSONAL NOTES FROM A SLOWER PACE
A few things I’ve noticed lately, simply because I slowed down enough to clock them:
— The scent of fresh linens unique to our household yet universally nostalgic. It’s one of those magic sensory things that somehow pulls you into the present while summoning the past.
— We are in relationship to our body in two ways: felt and seen. Many of us tend to spend a lot of time ruminating more on the visuals and not enough in the feeling of it; total trap. I’m leaning into things that flip that percentage. Join me.
— Music, humor, community, and creative expression are the best parts of my day everyday. More more more. Don’t forget. Lucky me.
— It’s possible that some of the things I beat myself up for avoiding or resisting are actually just not for me. Being honest with myself and finding an alternative route is high vibrational.
Thanks for sticking with me. So much more coming soon.
x,
T
Appendix—
I listened to this podcast last week and one of the guests being interviewed went into the psychology of “clock time vs event time” and I found it to be very relevant to this topic. Also nice to hear it all explained in science terms.